Please, Daddy!

After Many Years I believe that Crack Cocaine Addiction is a two part problem, composed of physical and mental addiction and a unique Lifestyle Addiction. In my opinion, this Lifestyle addiction carries an almost equal weight as the physical and mental addiction of Crack. A misconception is that Crack Addiction is largely a choice by the addict. Don't believe it. Users are severely and almost hopelessly addicted to this drug and to the lifestyle. When they combine the two they will rule and ruin their life and their loved ones. I know because my daughter is addicted to Crack and the Lifestyle. Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to stop smoking? In terms of Crack, we are dealing with the most addictive drug in existence. Lifestyle is also an equal part of the problem. This is not only a lifestyle without responsibility but a subculture unto it's own. There are no jobs, no bills to pay, no home upkeep, no responsibility and no time schedule. Users do whatever they want all day and night. It is a hedonistic lifestyle. Get high as often as you can and If your female have sex whenever you need more money for Crack. If your Male have Homosexual Sex to get the Crack or Money for Crack. Male and Female Addicts also steal and con daily to support their need. Most Crack users love this lifestyle.

That's a large reason why they are there and continue it. As long as their looks and health hold up. The drug plays the role of masking out responsibility and conscience. It makes the Addict feel bulletproof and Blows up their egos until they feel they can do anything with impunity. Until the desire of and for this lifestyle and drug is broken, the addiction will continue. It is also a lifestyle where the Addict does not take responsibility for any of his actions. They blame anyone and anything for their addiction. What you are about to read is very straightforward. It has to be. Some of what you will read cannot be over emphasized. The problem is if your not addicted, or have not dealt with someone who is addicted for a long time, you most likely won't believe or agree with most of this. My authority for writing this is that I have a Daughter who is 36 years old and has been an addict for the last 12 years. I also know and have talked extensively with two of her addict friends who have been non users respectively 5 and 8 years. I have also had conversations over the last 12 years with several other people who use drugs and with people who have loved ones in their life that use drugs. I also have done extensive reading on the web on this subject. I think I am qualified, at least, to give my opinion.

Most crack addicts don't have jobs, they don't want a job ( how can you work and do Crack) and could not hold one for long. An addicts daily use of crack can cost between $100 and $300. Money is also needed for small amounts of food, drug paraphernalia and liquor/beer. Crack addicts also need places to sleep and/or smoke crack. My daughter usually makes one of her "customers" get her a motel room each night. At the beginning of each day a crack addict usually has no money and on some days no place to stay. But these are resourceful, manipulative people who are able to create substantial amounts of cash daily. If they are female it is even easier. My daughter calls herself a "Money Maker".

Can you do that? It's difficult to relate how skillful these addicts become. When you meet an addict for the first time, they size you up immediately. If you are an easy mark, you will be manipulated and become a part of their life. If they see you are interested in romance, you are in big trouble. If you are their Mother, Father, Sister, Brother your love will make no difference. No, your love isn't going to change them. But It can destroy you if you let it.

A psychologist at a drug treatment center related the mechanics of a first meeting with a Crack addict. He said, "It's like the Green Bay Packers playing your high school team. You don't have a chance". Don't ever think you can buck those odds. As a normal person it is difficult to understand a person who manipulates and scams all day, every day and night long. This is a necessity for addicts to survive and if they target you, you will not be an exception. You will be just another person who is used, destroyed and dumped without a second thought or regret.

Dealing with a crack addict that is someone you love is totally disabling. It will interfere with your sleep, your work, your general concentration. It will ruin your financial health and your general outlook on life if you let it. If you are just beginning the discovery of your addict you will read what follows and probably not take it to heart. That's because you haven't had your head or wallet beat in enough as yet. If you have been dealing with an addict you will find some tips and explanations that will make some sense and might be helpful.

First lets examine the physical aspects of "Crack Addiction".

Lets get the worse out of the way first. Users can have "crack seizures" using the drug and it is not uncommon for users to have heart attacks. A police officer once told me about a woman who got out of jail and immediately went to a crack house. She had been clean for 6 months while in jail. Because she had not used in so long, after she had smoked all night she had a heart attack and died.

Crack also produces an effect called "crack lung". Crack damages the immune system of the lungs making the lungs more susceptible to disease. Shortness of breath, cough, wheezing, and chest pains can be symptoms of lung problems from crack use. My daughter has had re-occurring respiratory problems and a general condition of massive weight loss, visible aging and being "sick looking". If she stops using for a few months, her health starts to improve and she gains her weight back.

Genera effects of Crack use are depression, confusion, hallucinations anxiety, paranoia, poor concentration, personality changes, cardiac seizures, respiratory seizures, lung damage, blood vessel constriction, increased blood pressure, increased heart rate, loss of sexual ability (for men), brain seizures that result in oxygen deprivation in the brain, rise in blood sugar levels, rise in body temperature, and sleeplessness. This information is available on the web. I only know what I read and what I know about one person (my daughter).

Crack is cheap and much easier to obtain than any other drug. In the small city where we live, you are literally never more than 15 minutes from a crack house (or another Dealer). I think ther may be more crack houses and dealers than convenience stores. If you are new to town there are people selling on the streets (in XXXXXX it's called the "Cuts"). But if you are in the know, its available all over town.

You can pick up Crack street whore (like my daughter) who will introduce you to crack houses but not to the dealers, they are smarter than that. Watch your wallet, watch your car, and don't get involved with them because before its over you will be many dollars poorer. Back to the buying of crack.. Don't worry, she will get it for most everyone, once she is sure your not the LAW(at a small profit). There are also delivery services. Some crack dealers have regular business hours ( up until about 4 AM) during which they will deliver crack to you within minutes after a call to their mobile phone. Some of the delivery people will sell you more than Crack (my daughter does this and says she can make up around $ 500.00 a night without breaking a sweat). Of course she spends $ 600.00 a night on Crack.

If you have someone in your home who is trying to quit, don't leave them alone. While you are at the grocery store for 15 minutes, they will be able to buy and smoke Crack. There is very little odor so you will be unaware. Look for "Chore Boy" and Crack pipes if you have the chance. Also look at their lips and finger tips for burns or scaring from holding hot Crack pipes.

Crack use is at epidemic levels It is difficult for a normal person to understand the vast numbers of people using this drug. Some users maintain jobs, at least for a while. I call them functioning addicts. Here is an important point. If your addict has a job, get his boss or company involved. This is particularly effective with men. Men find a great deal of identity with their jobs and the fear of losing a job can motivate them to change. Don't be afraid to do this. Most companies are used to getting alcoholics treated. Companies are often sympathetic with such problems as many families have some kind of addiction problem. But, eventually the addiction overtakes them and they will lose everything including their jobs and families. Crack users continually steal and scam people. They are constantly being kicked out and moving from one place to another. Many addicts don't stay in one place for more than a couple of weeks. Usually arguments over drugs and/or their stealing will cause the move.

In my opinion women are most vulnerable to crack. It seems as though there is something in a woman's personality that causes them to be more easily addicted. The female population of prisons and jails has increased dramatically due to the large numbers of women incarcerated for Crack and other drug use and the crimes that they commit in order to get more money for more Crack.

An important thing to remember is that it is an easier life for a woman after her morals are stripped away. Crack gouges out all personal standards and morals. Most women who prostitute for cash or drugs find this lifestyle exciting (but most times not fulfilling). Crack will turn the most moral woman into a thief and whore without any conscience. If you observe outpatient counseling programs(from my reading) that are gender non-specific, you will find few women in the programs. There is simply no motivation for them to change. It's just too easy for women. According to a recent report by Ted Koppel, nearly 80% of females incarcerated for drugs will return to jail (for some reason) after being released. Remember, those are just the ones who get caught. My daughter has been incarcerated ten times and in Prison once and has had more than 24 charges brought against her. Thats just the times she was caught. She has had numerous charges not brought against her because the man involved either was married or was young enough to not want his parents to know what and who he had been involved with.

My daughter likes to pick up young guys 18 to 20 something. She says she can usually get all their money just by promising to give them some, or just by stealing it, then she ditches them. They never knew what hit them. All of a sudden they are alone, broke, and if she needs wheels, their car or pickup is gone too.

Having a Crack addict in your life isn't just difficult. It's impossible. That's the first thing you have to realize and accept. It's almost impossible to carry on a conversation with them without a fight. It is impossible to convince them that they have a "Drug Problem". But then again - They will tell you how they are quitting or going to "slow down or Take It Easy". I have had my daughter tell me this more times than I can remember. As long as they are in "denial" there is no hope of even starting rehabilitation.

They all know when and how they are going to quit. A common statistic is that 40% of all addicted people will be successful in recovering. This number includes alcohol and all drugs (this percentage changes slightly depending on which study you read). Considering crack is MUCH harder to kick, you can see the percentage of success in kicking crack is much closer to zero. From my experience with my daughter over almost 12 years, she has "quit" numerous times but always goes back to using Crack. But, from what I read, it is not totally impossible. It depends on the strength and desire to quit of the individual addict.

Research indicates that when addicted individuals stop using cocaine, they often suffer from depression, anxiety and the inability to experience pleasure from normally pleasurable activities (including Sex). This makes it extremely difficult for the recovering addict to stay clean because they continuously expect the same bang they get from/ under the influence of crack use.

My daughter says she has lost the ability to have an orgasm. She says she hates sex now, yet she admits to having had sexual intercourse on average of three times a day. She doesn't even bother counting the number of times she has oral sex a day.

People incarcerated for lengthy periods of time will walk out of jail and go directly to a dealer or crack house to buy. My daughter is a prime example of this. She told me that when she got out of State Prison, she had smoked Crack within a couple of hours of arriving at her home town in West Texas. She has also bragged that she has had Crack and a Beer within a few minutes of being released from the local Jail. She brags that she is a "Real Money Maker". You don't even have to guess how she makes her money.

A crack addict who wants to quit is actually attending therapy (Rehab) or is in a halfway house. Or, a crack addict who wants to quit has removed himself from the lifestyle (Stays Home) and has no visitors- Virtual House Arrest- and is drug free , proven with frequent urine tests. A crack addict who is promising to quit is slicking, scamming and manipulating you. If you are in doubt, take the addict for a urine test. They are inexpensive. Make sure the testing facility actually watches the addict urinate into the cup. It is very common for addicts to substitute someone else's clean urine for their own.

Never let a crack addict blame you for their addiction. This is a common and tireless manipulation. They will constantly tell you that something you said or have done made them smoke Crack, initially start smoking Crack or start using Crack again. Unless you are actually putting the crack pipe in their mouth and lighting it or buying it for them, you are in no way at fault. Unless you are like me and gave them a place to stay and paid all the bills. Many times they will blame the person closest to them as the total cause for their addiction. As the addiction progresses through time, the addicts ability to reason becomes totally depleted. They will give explanations to you that will leave you astounded. Their thinking becomes totally irrational and that is why you can never believe or rely on anything they say.

Another common and very frequently used ploy is the "argument" or "fight". If an addict is in your home trying to stay clean or recovering from a binge, they will skillfully create an argument or fight with you and leave. It is just a ploy to get back to the street life. Later, they will blame you as the cause of the argument. Again, you will be the causative factor for their continuing drug use. You will discover addicts never take personal responsibility for their drug use. It's always someone or some situation that causes them to use the drug.

Crack addicts are in involved in four, and only four, activities all day and all night long. They get money for crack (selling their body, stealing, conning, begging). They buy crack. They smoke crack. They crash and sleep. If an addict is talking to you or seeing you in person then you are going to be involved in one of those four activities. No, crack addicts do not call home to just say " I love you", they will always be looking for money or something to assist them in getting money for Crack. Crack addicts call home because you are an easy mark. If you are not planning to be involved in one of those four daily activities, get away from the addict and do not talk to them.

Crack makes men horny and women uninhibited, daring and stupid. Women will do most anything in pairs or in groups ("Gangster Parties"). Just about anything you ask a woman to do, she will comply, if you are the person with the Crack or with the money. When a woman needs a hit bad enough, her body is yours to do what ever you want with it. Unfortunately for men, crack often prevents them from getting or keeping an erection even though they are highly sexually aroused. It is not uncommon for sexually straight female addicts to engage in lesbian acts with other women to get money for crack. This is from information from the web, But my daughter has admitted to doing it a "couple of times".

Crack addicts don't like to be in publi places or crowds because they can't smoke or get their Crack. Crack addicts rarely go to restaurants. They frequent drive through at fast food restaurants. Crack addicts can live comfortably in any place as long as they have their Crack. They might come back to you to crash in your clean house, but they could care less, its just a place to crash. I have picked up my daughter at places that looked like they were not even livable, but she could care less because there was Crack There.

Crack Whores have sex numerous times per day and they sometimes fail to use protection. My daughter has had two abortions and one child while under the influence of Crack. Her baby was born with cocaine in her system. Its God's Grace that she seems OK up to this point (two years old). Crack seems to make an addicted person feel powerful and invincible but act in total stupidity.

A Crack addict will drain your life emotionally and financially. If they are at your house (awake, not crashed) and high, just watching them is tiring as they are on a speed trip accompanied by loads of paranoia. They are constantly checking doors, windows and switching lights on and off. They can not enjoy a movie, video or Radio Station for more than a few minutes without changing to something else. They are constantly moving about. If they take any other drugs or drink in addition to the Crack, really unusual and sometimes violent behavior can follow. My daughter went on a cleaning spree at our house that lasted almost 24 hours. They can develop motor function problems. They are not aware of any of these behaviors. Seriously addicted users lose a lot of weight because crack diminishes their appetites

They will tirelessly challenge your ability to say "NO". Whenyou think they are out of your life they will call again or come knocking on your door. They NEVER give up. They shamelessly keep calling anyone they know with money or a place to stay. The word "NO" does not phase them. If crack was legal and I owned a tele-marketing company, I would hire crack addicts as tele-marketers.

They will continuously make up the best excuses to extract money from you. Excuses can range from needing money for antibiotics to needing money for rent. When you offer to go to the drugstore to pay for the antibiotics they will give a phony reason why you can't. If you don't give them money they will steal from you, any relative, friend or even a child. If you don't give them money they will still steal from someone else. They will use stolen credit cards, forge checks, shop lift or break into homes. They take stolen merchandise back to stores and attempt to get cash refunds. NOTHING is safe in your home. Even If it's an heir loom wedding ring, it's gone. They become great manipulators and will heartlessly suck any unprepared person of all their emotional and financial resources.

Crack addicts go through a cycle. They binge 24 hours a day for a few days and then crash. The crash consists of almost uninterrupted sleep resembling a coma ( I have seen my daughter's baby shake and hit her trying to wake her up to no avail.) During this time they will get up and consume large amounts of water and large amounts of food, to replenish their destroyed bodies and maybe take a bath. While they are eating they are sometimes in a near comatose state. When they crash they are extremely tired and depressed. At crash time an addict will call or come to your door and tell you most convincingly they are done with drugs. They will say they are tired of the whole thing and will never go back to it. If you will believe this story and allow them to crash and replenish themselves, at the end of the sleep cycle they will get up, start an argument and walk right back out your door to do it again.If a crack addict is really ready to quit /she/he will submit to a detox center followed up by therapy.If you allow an addict to crash at your house all you will be doing is providing a restaurant and flop house to further their addiction. Plus a laundry mat if your as stupid as I was.

Remember those sci-fi horror movies where outer space beings come to earth, get inside of humans bodies and possess them? That is what you are dealing with. On Crack, your loved one or friend has become a possessed being. Forget about talking to the person you used to know. They are no longer there. You must realize that. You are now dealing with a force that is more powerful than you and them. This is where successfu families have difficulty. Successful people are used to being abl3 to resolve most problems with money. At the outset they think they can solve this one as well. At first a family will try to work it out between themselves. When considering experienced counselors have such low success rates, you must realize this is an impossible avenue as families simply do not have the experience or counseling tools to deal with this problem. They will spend thousands of dollars on expensive treatment clinics and other help avenues without any success. They cling to the thought that there is always hope. And yes, there is one and only one hope. There is hope that the addict will hit bottom so hard that he/she will seek treatment or quit on their own. My Ex Wife is the one who pointed this out to me when I was trying to ignore it after all these years. Its not that I really did not know this, its more like I was desperately trying to find a way to help. But I was really only dragging out the final solution. Which is: The Addict has to want to quit and stay clean.

The only way that will happen is when families and friends remove the addict from their lives (something that is hard to do for me now, because of my Grand Daughter). Involvement with an addict only extends the time for them to hit bottom because you are "Enabling Them".

Letting go is the most difficult part in dealing with a loved one. Removing a loved one from your life is painful but it is the only hope to having them in your life again. You simply have to do this. Remember that this includes giving them any financial assistance.

While you are being broken emotionally and drained financially an addict will talk about his real friends, and guess what, that's not you. A woman addict will tell you about a real friend ( a Sugar Daddy) who doesn't like her to whore so he gives her money while, in his mind, he is receiving gratuitous sex (my daughter has 3 guys that think like this at this time). But you should understand that friend is only temporary because the cash and emotional drain will eventually make him turn her out. Female addicts like these kinds of friends. They have no real friends. Don't be insulted when an addict mentions their other so called real friends (other addicts or dealers). Just be smart and don't open your pocketbook again. When the addict asks for money, tell them to call the real friends.

Don't become fascinated or furious about an addicts bizarre behavior. This was a trap for me and it can keep you emotionally involved. At first I became wrapped up in curiosity and concern about my daughter's daily life. This was my initial and biggest mistake. It started (after I had bailed her out of Jail ) - the first time - over 12 years ago.

Crack whores have an interesting perspective on their customers. They call them "Tricks" or "Dates" and say it with disdain and disgust like they are "getting over" on their customers. They think their customers are suckers and fools. Many men like to have sex with Crack whores because they know they will do anything. So for $ 40 - $50 a man can get a Crack whore to do anything. Each time a woman does this, a little more of her soul is eaten away until eventually none remains. So, now consider, who is the sucker or fool here?

Crack addicts are fearful of the police and incarceration. When they are incarcerated, there is no more crack (or cigarettes). They also have no diversions, no rushes, no sex, no nothing. Jail is a real hell for them and they will say, promise or do anything to get out. So when they call be aware of this and don't fall into the trap of believing them. I have with my daughter numerous times and always have been lied to and her promises were never kept. So save your Bail money, because bailing them out is like flushing it down the toilet.

Here are some tips that are just my opinion, but I think are valid.

Never give money to an addict.

Never give an addict items they can sell or pawn.

Never believe them when they say "I will never do drugs again".

Never let them use your house for sleeping or bathing or anything.

Never accept collect telephone calls from them.

Don't be curious about what they are doing. Assume they are doing the worst imaginable because they are. Remember every act of kindness only extends the time to where they hit bottom. Acts of kindness only hurt them. Helping a Crack addict is a mistake. Let them suffer and make up their mind to quit for today and to seek help.

Change the locks on your home and don't give them a key. Do not leave them alone in your home and remove all cash. Do not allow them in your home with their friends as their friends will return and burglarize you. The only friends they have are other addicts, and they are not really friends.

Never believe anything they say, only respond through their actions. Telling you they are going to drug treatment is meaningless. Remember you are a non-person to them. You are only a vehicle and easy mark to further their addiction.

Never bail them out of jail or pay their fines. Also, don't send them "Commissary " money in Jail.

If they need to be arrested call the police. Jail is safer for them than the street. Never let them crash at your house. Learn to be strong with them and don't ever waiver; even slightly on the word "NO".

Learn to let them go from your life. It is the most difficult thing to do but it will protect you and help them. They are the only ones who can help themselves.